Will it be a 9 oz day or just a 7? My life now that I'm back at work feels as if it boils down to ounces. How many ounces will I pump?...

My Life in Ounces

Will it be a 9 oz day or just a 7? My life now that I'm back at work feels as if it boils down to ounces. How many ounces will I pump? It makes so much sense. A 9 oz day makes me feel powerful and as if I can really do this whole thing, work, three kids, finish my master's degree, breastfeed for a year again, and so forth. A 7 oz day makes me feel like breastfeeding will fail, my child is starving, I'm not doing so great at catching up with work, and that I'll eventually just fizzle out at everything. It doesn't help that the daycare took license to feed Charlie formula whenever she cries because I was short the first day and had to send 1 measly ounce of formula with her. She ate 5 oz all day on Monday and yesterday they fed her 14 and 5 of those were formula. I am angry but at the same time trying not to stress myself out with control issues. It's a big mess though.

My head runs into...if they feed her so much, has she not been getting enough while nursing? Oh yes she has, she's fine, those silly women probably just don't realize that she finishes the bottle much faster than she finishes nursing and is just wanting to be able to suck longer but instead they feed her. Grrr, if they keep feeding her so much then she's going to start wanting more but I'm not going to be able to keep up with her demand since I'm stuck at work pumping 3 times a day trying to be as discreet as possible so nobody will think I'm a freak or get jealous that I have these "privileges." I miss her, maybe this weekend will be better and she'll get back on a good schedule. I hate pumping when I get home from work but I have to in order to get that last ounce for the next day. Why didn't I pump more when I was on leave?

See, it's ugly in there! SO....bummer, bet you're glad to read today!!

3 comments:

Candice said...

Girl, I jumped up and down when I had a 2oz day. While I can completely understand where you're coming from, I say you celebrate every single ounce of breastmilk that she's able to get. The fact that you're spending time 3 times daily to pump for her while at work makes you pretty awesome. And trust me...and I sure hope I don't open up a can of worms...but when I saw my co-workers driving off campus 20 times a day to have their smoke breaks, I thought that was ridiculous and unfair because non-smokers don't get breaks like that. You deserve the time! Maybe if your co-workers could be a cow a few times a day with those horns attached to them, they wouldn't be jealous. (I realized you implied they may be jealous, but you get my point). You're super mom! I'm proud of your 7oz days!

Mira Conklin said...

I'm sorry it's been rough and hope things will get easier for you soon! Do you have anyone who is in a similar situation, or who has been in the past, who can answer questions and/or help with problem-solving? I recently went to a local La Leche League meeting and it was great to connect with other nursing moms. It's also great to have a place to vent with other people who really get it. In any case, keep up what you're doing. And you totally have the right to pump while at work!

ainmemphis said...

I agree with Candice that no matter how many oz of breast milk she is getting that is great! Every mom who pumps deserves a medal because you are doing double the work! I hope you can keep it up as long as you so desire and I know you can do it. I wish I had some magical answer to ease your worries. Just remember you are a wonderful mom doing everything you can for your babies!