Retribution

Oooh that sounds ominous, huh? :) I felt compelled to blog about a recent discussion that God and I had while I was in the shower. It is sometimes the only quiet part of my week (I say this because I only get to shower about 3-4 times a week!). So, I really think God uses it to find me calm and peaceful so that He can be heard.

We are set to go to trial AGAIN on the 30th of this month. I don't know if it will happen or what will be the final outcome. If you remember my last post about this, I was angry and hurt because I felt like nobody was going to pay or have any consequence for what happened to sweet Freddie. This idea came to my head again as I was scrubbing out the oil with some delicious Aveda Shampure. Then it was like God just obliterated me and my petty thoughts. He said to me, "This has already been paid for, in full. Jesus already paid and suffered the consequences for what happened to Freddie." WHAT??!!! Say, huh? Jesus became sin on the cross and he paid for my sins and the sins of the world so that we could be clean and holy and enter the kingdom of heaven. I know this, but surely not this? Surely He missed one?

NO!! Jesus became EVERY single sin that was ever or will ever be committed against anyone. It is still painful for me to think of, but I need no retribution. There will be no earthly justice good enough to please God. My Father has forgiven me and His grace can cover even this with the blood of Jesus. My prayers should be focused that the person who almost killed Freddie would repent, acknowledge the sin, accept Christ, and enter into the Kingdom of Heaven, that Christ's payment and death for our sin would not be in vain.

I will always be mindful of this, especially as I enter the courtroom. What beautiful peace God was able to bring me, and devastation again realizing the weight of what Jesus carried for us. As he died on the cross, he became those actions, those mighty blows against my son, He became the impact that separated Freddie's gallbladder and the blood that seeped into his body, Jesus became the bruises, the belt, the extension cords, the hand and arm holding the weapons of pain against Freddie's tiny two year old body. He became the anger, ignorance, and rage that it took to carry these things out. Jesus became those things while enduring His own agony and He did not break, because my Jesus knew His sacrifice would cover even this and we would know our God. I would be Freddie's mom and we would protect him. I can not ask for anymore retribution than that, there is no other penance or payment that would so entirely compensate. Thank you, Lord.