Invalid

Is that a politically incorrect term...to call oneself an invalid (the noun version meaning an infirm or sickly person)? Dictionary.com does not tell me the social connotations of words, just definitions. Maybe I'm on to a new website!

Anyway, I am tired of feeling like an invalid. I was two weeks postpartum last Saturday when I woke up hurting. I nursed Charlie and during that I started cramping really badly. I thought it was just bad gas which I'd been suffering with since delivery. It got worse and worse though. I laid Charlie down when she finished eating and woke Jason up to share my pain. I was hurting so badly that I was convinced I had appendicitis. Jason was up and getting dressed. I called the midwife to ask her opinion and she thought I might have an obstructed bowel. There was no point stalling, I needed to go to the hospital. Seriously, it hurt so badly that I remember on the car ride just praying that I would pass out and wake up later after it was over. There were tears and lots of yelling and gripping things. We had a neighbor gal run over and sit in the house while the kids were asleep until Nana got here. Sweet Rachel canceled her trip to Russellville to come help with Charlie, and we ended up being admitted to the hospital after several tests and a blessed dose of Demerol.

I had a CT scan and an ultrasound which revealed no appendix problems, bowel issues, or gallbladder complications. Turns out that my uterus was "muddled" and it appeared that there was something still in there from the pregnancy, won't know exactly what those "products" were until I go back for my follow up appointment though. I also had a bladder infection which probably wasn't helping with the pain. I had another dose of Demerol before moving up to my room where we waited on the doctor. When she got there she did a pelvic exam and let me know that she felt we needed to do a D&C, dilation and curettage, where they go in and actually scrape/suction your uterus to clean out any infected, damaged, unwanted tissue. It is sadly the exact same procedure whether you have an issue like mine, had a miscarriage, or have an abortion. It makes the procedure seem scarier to me for reason, not to mention the worry I had over possible risks to my reproductive future. Our doctor was amazingly sweet though and talked to me about the risks and assured me that I did not fall into any of the high risk categories.

I had never had surgery before, only stitches! General anesthesia is weird folks! I luckily didn't have a bad reaction to it, just confused and very out of it. I also woke up in a lot of pain. I lost about a liter of blood during the procedure and apparently had an "angry, spitting uterus" according to the doctor. I didn't need a transfusion, but it did require that my entire vajayjay be packed to prevent more bleeding. Yes, I said packed. It was so painful! There is some special thick gauze that they used and honestly packed an entire roll of it in there to ensure that I didn't bleed out. That combined with a catheter made for a painful night despite morphine followed my hydrocodone. My nurse that evening must have thought I was such a whiner! Everything hurt, my catheter, the packing, my arms/shoulders, I was thirsty, my throat hurt from being intubated during surgery, and I came back to my room with tears streaming down my face for some unknown reason. I was so emotional from leaving the baby, worrying about myself, missing the kids, feeling like I put everyone out, having to pump and dump, Rachel having to stay the night with a newborn and feed her with the bottle (her first bottle!), etc. I was just bawling and I remember the nurse asking me if I was scared or in pain. Neither, both, I don't know!!

Thankfully I got to come home Sunday afternoon and once I got off the hydrocodone I started to feel a lot better. It was quite an ordeal. So, I am basically starting over with recovery. I feel a lot better than I did. Oh, and P.S. Jason asked the doctor. "Is this because we had a homebirth?" The doctor replied, "No, absolutely not. I have seen this happen in hospital births as well. I just put this type of thing in the 'bad luck' category." It made us both feel better because it had honestly been in the back of our minds. Did I mention that my sweet midwife came and sat with Jason while I was in surgery? Anyway, I'm back to the invalid thing.

My house is a wreck, the kids' closet looks like an isolated tornado went wild in there, there are baby things everywhere, my bathroom/bedroom still looks like a birth clinic, the dog hair is rampant, there's a layer of dust on all wooden surfaces, hairballs have collected in nearly every corner, and there's just so much stuff everywhere that I don't know what to do with it. Don't get me wrong, we've had lots of help from Rachel and the laundry and dishes are well kept up with, dinner has been provided pretty much nightly, and I did clean a toilet out! I want to cook a good meal for my kiddos, have a shiny floor, vacuum the couches, dust, have an orderly room so I can sew something, and just feel like a normal mom instead of a cabin fevered sickly lady in a very nice assisted living home! :) A sweet friend got me a gift certificate for a full house cleaning, so I think I'm going to take that up at the end of this week but I have to clear away all the clutter first so that someone could actually find a surface to spray cleaning supplies onto!

Did I mention that my big kids are going to Missouri this week/weekend? Yep, Nana is taking them to visit their cousin and aunt and uncle. They leave today and don't come back until Sunday afternoon. Freddie went last year, but this is the first time Addie will be away from home like that for so long. She's spent two nights away from us when we went to Dallas in May and that's it. I am a little heartbroken and very apprehensive about the whole thing, but everyone keeps reminding me that I need the rest and recuperation time. I hardly intend to rest..well maybe sleep in quite a bit :), but I hope to get things back in order around here so the kids can come home to a new normal for the rest of the summer. We've got things to accomplish and a baby to get incorporated into our lives, and I'm tired of being too weak to participate in things. I am stuck at home right now while the kids and Nana and Daddy are at the library for storytime. Granted, I am glad to be home with the baby...but I'm tired of my kids missing me and poor Addie being traumatized when I leave a room. So, pray for me to use good judgment, keep a good/safe pace as I work, keep myself healthy, and for this dern sweet baby to sleep before 12:30/1:00 am!

I am even going to make a grocery store list and ask Jason to go fill it! HAHAHAHA!! Ooh, or maybe I'll go with and just ride in one of those Wal-Mart motorized carts!