I know "fat" is such a crude word, sorry!

Since I weighed at work the first time for our own Biggest Loser competition (May), I have lost 15lbs! I am fairly certain that the majority of that has been over the past 5 weeks. The best part about this is that it is keeping me motivated to keep away from the bad stuff. As Fall approaches, it's going to get more difficult with the holidays and goodies and the urge to bake! Any tips? I am thinking of scheduling some "cheat" days ahead of time so that I can bake with the kids and not feel like I'm off plan. If it's scheduled, then it's part of the plan, right? ;)

You know, someday I'm going to recharge my camera battery and take pictures. I have not taken any pictures since the 4th of July. What kind of crazy is that? I certainly haven't posted any in ages. These babies are getting big!

P.S. Thank you for your input and please continue to give it on my WFHM (Work from home mom) post. Each moment in the day creates a case for one side or the other!

I obviously rely on the opinions of others way too heavily. Hence, this question.

Which is better?

A) Kids at home with a loving but working mom that honestly does not have more than two hours or so of "quality time" to spend with them each day and at least 3 days out of the 6 day work week is quite stressed.

B) Kids in a structured daycare with constant attention and play with other kids from 630-530 every day with an hour or so of quality time with parents in the evening and then all day on weekends.

The kids are starting to notice my increased work load when I get busy and they get antsy. They are getting terrible at entertaining themselves and there is a lot more sibling rivalry these days. I hear screaming from Addie and whining from Freddie constantly. I mean, there are wonderful times of course. Just watching them run up and down the hallway and hearing their sweet barefeet splat across the hardwood floor is enough to make me choose to be at home no matter what. I just worry sometimes that I'm somehow not fulfilling all of their needs or that I'm not giving them enough attention. Working from home is a wonderful blessing and an answered prayer. I guess I'm not doubting it, I just need some type of affirmation that this is actually a better thing for my kids! ;) Oh, feel free to comment if you believe otherwise, that's what the question is for. I may need some new words of wisdom to help me through this time and to broaden my perspective on the whole thing rather than just seeking people who agree with me.

It would probably also help if I knew any other work from home moms. My examples of SAHMs are truly that, and it isn't fair to compare myself with that example (or any, but it's my womanly nature to do so). I'm going to a potluck for the Otter Creek Women's Club, Group, I don't know. It's next month and I am hoping to meet some more ladies in the area. I also have some ideas, shocking I know! I'm trying to organize a kid friendly Trick-or-Treat this year by having people sign up to agree to no scary costumes/decorations/music, frightening signs, la la la and give them
specific colored balloons to put on their mailboxes to indicate to families with young children that this is a house that won't traumatize their kids! We'll see what folks think.

Free Rightguard Total Defense Deodorant: $3/2 printable coupon on coupons.com and $2/2 ecoupon on Kroger.com Both come off the purchase (scan that Kroger card), and they are on sale for 2.49 each this week...you get $.02 back for buying them, woooohooo! This is the only kind of deodorant that Jason will use. It smells fantastic too, which is great because he's totally anti-cologne. Oh my sweet husband is so far from Metrosexual that it isn't even funny! ;)

That's how many folks are going to be at my hizzy tonight for dinner. I hope nobody minds being crowded, standing to eat, and changing diapers!

Oh, and I have prematurely given up on this round of potty training. She just does not want to sit on the potty and I feel like it's traumatic every time we go and I try to have her sit longer than .02 seconds. I'm perfectly okay with this, just slightly worried that it will make it harder next time we try since she knows I'm a weenie now! I also think I need to wait and make it a family adventure because my darling husband seems to have NO interest whatsoever in assisting with this potty training situation. I believe it is his secret desire to prevent her from growing up. ;) I don't blame him really. I have some 18 month Fall onesies that are so cute, and she couldn't have worn them and tried to use the potty! Silver lining! We'll see how she does in another couple of months.

Then on Saturday, we're heading to Memphis for a wedding shower for good friends, well they are family really. I suppose we need to sign our name to the gift my mother-in-law is getting for the couple. ;)

So, remember a couple of months ago when I talked about Addie spontaneously telling me she had to poo and then going on the potty? Yep, we tried a potty training intro then and it really didn't take so I happily put her diaper back on and left her be for awhile. On Sunday night we started again after a lot of development in that area. She is able to put her legs in her shorts/undies and pull at least the front up a little. She can identify pee and poo and that she needs to go. She can hold herself and say "pee pee" & "poooop." So, I got her a potty chair and off we went. Honestly, she is doing great, but I am just really tired. I think she can feel my stress. I am not stressed about cleaning up goop from the floor or clothes, it's more just the lack of time that I have. Working from home doesn't give me hours on end to sit in the bathroom with her while she gets up and down up and down and begs for a sticker or a stamp well before she's done anything to earn it! I also have sweet Freddie lingering outside the bathroom wishing we would come out, missing both me and his sister. I tried letting him in on the potty training fun, but she gets way too distracted and just gets straight up to play.

The biggest problem I see right now is time, so hopefully she'll get more comfortable and it will be less difficult to get her to sit down for more than 5 seconds at a time. She tells me about 30 times a day that she needs to go, and only went pee on the potty 1 1/2ish times today. So, I've spent a LOT of time in there! Any suggestions on the #2 issue? I read once that children often feel like poo is an "extension" of themselves, so the idea of flushing it away down the toilet is actually frightening and disturbing to them. I don't know how that works in their heads, but Addie had a complete freak out last night when she needed to poo, crying, stomping, holding herself, but refused to actually sit on her potty chair or the training seat on the big potty. She just screamed, "NOOOOO," and cried. The only way she would calm down for a second is when I gave in with a sip of Diet Coke in the BIG Sonic cup. She held it like some kind of fiend and finished up her hiccuping sobs and then still only peed. She pooed in the floor today but she knew it was coming and just did not want to sit on the potty. Do we have a consensus here...I think she's ready but I'm perfectly willing to stall some more. Changing diapers is way easier at this point and anybody who told me differently was a liar liar pants on fire! ;)

I'm going to fight off the urge to crawl back into bed. Oh me, I'm just tired of "struggling" with everything from weight to money. I guess nobody has it easy, but it certainly feels that way doesn't it? So, you're thin and have lots of money...per my facebook question, what do you worry about? Maybe then you have a cruddy husband or health problems or mental instability! ;) Maybe life seems just perfect but you are an evil selfish person with no real friends. I don't know. Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not wishing these problems on anyone. It is just a complete mystery to me.

I just have to start going through my list of blessings so that I don't dwell on the poor me's. We are going to make it, and Jason told me today that he doesn't care if we have money because we are together and happy. He also pointed out that the kids don't mind (....yet anyway, but oh sweet goodness may we have more ample resources when they are teenagers), and that they are happy babies. I don't know what else I could ask for! (Actually...yes I do, like timely immunizations instead of a month behind because you're still paying off the last doctor's bill...but like I said, I just have to quit this!).

In the mean time, God is making miracles happen. Thanks to everyone who encourages me with my bargain shopping, couponing, crafting, and general creativity that is honestly my most important contribution to my family. My job doesn't actually cut it when it comes to making enough money to support us, but if you combine that with staying at home with the kids, making $35 grocery trips for a week's worth of food, dutifully managing a one car household, selling some homemade goodies on the side, and $.05 per diaper deals, then we've got something we can work with!

My scale is completely jacked up. It weighs me in 10-15lb increments of crazy on a daily basis. I finally weighed at work on the nurse's scale and since the last time I weighed there, which was about 5-6 weeks ago.....I weigh 7 lbs less! Now, I've been trying to figure out some rhyme or reason to my scale at home to see if I can add/subtract to get my correct weight but there's no such possibility. I'll weigh again on Thursday since I'll be at work again. Otherwise, I'll be weighing in every two weeks when I'm on campus until I have the money to buy a decent/dependable scale. Seven pounds though, that's 28 sticks of butter melted right on off! Oh and I feel so much better anyway because my scale at home told me I weighed 20lbs more when I started my July 21st way of life change rant than I weighed in at work on Friday. I know I didn't lose 20lbs, so my starting weight wasn't as staggering as I thought. I thought I'd gained a buttload since my last at work weigh in. So, new goal, lose 80 lbs by January 2012. I will do it!

Post something too spiritual and nobody wants to say anything. I see how it is! ;) Sometimes there's just that and that's that and that's it, so no need to say anything else about that. I understand.

I've been thinking a lot lately about messages I have held onto in my life. My pastor told me, when I found out my 15 year old sister was pregnant shortly after my parents' divorce, that God put me in many roles on this earth but that I need to focus on those instead of ones I put myself in. I wanted to be my sister's mom, not her sister, and a father to my family instead of a daughter. That message helped me with so much guilt and fear, and it allowed me to turn away when I couldn't handle the stress or when I knew there was nothing I could do to help besides pray. That message played in my head when I had to protect myself and my marriage from the absolute crazy that was my family. It was the right message then, but it almost prevented me from even seeing a new role that God had asked of me. Do you know how many times I told myself, "You are not Freddie's mom?" It took a long time to get over that and somehow still feel that I had some healthy boundary and ability to discern what place I fill. I know it sounds silly, but when you cling to something for so long as kind of a shield against things that would hurt you, it feels almost embarrassing to see how wrong you were and terrified of what else you may be wrong about.

Just something I was pondering over. I know that God will protect me and my husband and children while also allowing me to serve others as a sister and a daughter. I feel safe, but I've learned lessons to put my trust in God, not in my ability to do better, make better choices, set better examples, on and on. Do you have anything you cling to, a tried and true security blanket, strapped down somewhere in your faith that may be blinding and binding you from the very God that gave it to you?