I feel much better thanks to more pillows at night and a few visits to a really kind chiropractor. I'm not very excited about the $40 a visit, but hopefully I can just be able to walk! I don't have much else. No pictures yet of the quilts, mostly because I have only finished one. It was a lot more work than I anticipated! The kids have adjusted very well to sharing a room together. Sweet potato girl is just so big. I can't believe it. Anyway, not much to say, just checking in!

I have been busy with some crafting lately. I set out to make quilts for Addie and Freddie's beds. Toddler bedding is really a pain. It's either ugly, gaudy, super cheap, or incredibly expensive for 2 yards of fabric. Even finding a sheet set for a toddler bed is crazy expensive. I saw some cute sets at Target, but they were $25-$30 a piece and not really perfect by any means. They just weren't what I wanted. Why can you get twin size bedding for next to nothing and then be expected to pay out the wazoo (like $70 for a quilted toddler bedding set) for two yards of fabric to go on a miniature bed?

Anyway, I didn't really save money because my supplies cost me about $40 and there is no coordinating top sheet, but I found very cute fabric and gained experience in quilt making! It has been really fun and I was able to customize the size to actually cover the bed instead of go up to the bottom of the pillow and stop and barely lip over the edge of the bed. ANNOYING! The promises come in with me "promising" to post pictures when I'm done! We put the kids' room together today and they are both sleeping peacefully in their new co-ed room. We have worked so hard today and this weekend has more work in store with cleaning and organizing and maybe some nesting for Charlie girl. Freddie's sweet little quilt and matching pillowcase is in the washer now. I'm so excited! Not that I attached the binding correctly, cut it accurately, joined the ends right, or at all "mitered" the corners in any recognizable way, but I'm just remembering how many times a week it will be washed due to my sweet boy's pee pee palooza he has nightly. This is a functional thing! ;) Stay tuned!

I has it!

I've been googling, a dangerous pastime, I know. Google has led me to the diagnosis of pelvic arthropathy.

"A woman with pelvic arthropathy will feel pain mostly around her pubic area spreading out to the groin and the front and back of the thighs.

Some kinds of movement, such as lying on her back and trying to turn onto her side, worsens the pain. When she walks, her steps will get shorter until she is almost waddling. Walking up and down stairs is especially difficult.

Some degree of pelvic joint pain affects most women in the later stages of pregnancy but the discomfort for a small group of women is often underestimated. For these women, pelvic arthropathy might develop early in pregnancy and last well after delivery."

That's me, my pelvic bones ache. Not my hips like with Addie, not even my SI joint as badly as with Addie. Every night though, my pelvic bones/groin aches and hurts especially when I lay down for bed. During the day at work I've had multiple people mention the discomfort on my face when I walk. I'll ask my midwives about this, but for now google wins! At least I have something to call it that sounds really terrible so I can talk about how my pelvic arthropathy is acting up! Would more walking help? More water? Massage? I just don't know, but for now I'm just in pain.

I am not nearly as mature as I thought. Also, lots of people 20-35 years older than me are also not very mature. I'm discovering that a lot of folks are bitter, ugly, scorned, and then even more bitter inside. I have my days where I wallow and feel very sorry for myself and feel like the victim, the target, the "all about me" days, you know. I could never live in that state though for some extended period of time. It would be miserable. Unfortunately, so many of the people in our lives do live in that state and it's always bubbling under the surface. It is so ugly and hurtful when it comes out.

Here's my announcement to the world that refuses to take the blinders off. JESUS is the only reason I have anything. My LOVING GOD is the only reason I am alive. OBEDIENCE to CHRIST is the only way I've found to make anything go "right" in my life. It is not because I'm "likeable," "peppy," rich, blonde, funny, a suckup, fake, cute, lucky, or even a particularly good person that anything good has ever happened to me. On the other side of that coin, it is only because of the evil living on this earth, the spirit of meanness and pain, the devil that lives here even in the hearts of men that any of the horrible things in this life have happened to me. It wasn't because I was bad, I was "unlikeable," I was unlucky, ugly, fat, or brunette. I have to remember that when mean people make my life unbearable or when it seems that the ugly hearted get nowhere in life, that God could turn their lives around just as easily in a moment. More bad things will happen in this life and I will not blame myself or "the universe" nor will I give credit to myself or the universe when blessings come. So, thank you Jesus for helping me to daily remove bitterness from my heart and anger from my soul that I may live in your light rather than darkness. Help me bring that light with me into the dark places where I find so much cruelty and selfishness so that I shall not be dragged into it!

I'm having a very hard time right now letting go of my kids in their own rooms. There are dozens of pros to moving Addie and Freddie in together and dozens of cons. Right now the biggest con is that I am having an emotionally difficult time letting go of Addie's "nursery" and all of her girlie things and all the nesting and work I put into it (mostly due to knowing that I will not have that kind of time to individualize a room for Charlie). At the same time, Freddie's room is all boy and filled with the smell of little boy pee, trucks, trains, and robots and superheroes.

Pros
Freddie's room is bigger = more room for toys, playtime, two toddler beds
New room to decorate for both of them
Charlie's own space to sleep/not sleep for probably the first year of her life
A new nursery to nest in for new baby
Their room can be more grown up and have big kid toys separated from baby toys
Addie might do better in her big girl toddler bed with big brother there with her
Consolidation = more space to grow as a family into our home!


Cons
Emotional turmoil for Mom
Bedtime could be a terror with both of them talking/getting out of bed, etc.
Mornings could be a terror with Freddie waking up considerably earlier than Addie most days
The work!!! So much to move, rearrange, not enough closet space for both of them, etc.
The loss of individual space for them for timeouts, naps, etc.
Fear of supervision issues at night/nap time/boo boos, he hit me, get out of my bed, that's mine, etc.

Any advice for this overthinking mom? You can see that my blog has become more active free therapy for me lately, huh??

As I get further along in this pregnancy, more questions are coming to mind. Do you wanna help with some? Okay, great, thanks. :)

1) Where should I set up the birthing pool?

• I would like it to be in a room where I can close the door and just relax alone or with just Jason and me but still allow other people a common room to sit and visit. Thoughts?

2) What if I freak out?

3) Can I do this without my mom or Jason's mom? (she's not planning to attend so that she can watch the kiddos)

4) How can I explain to people that the kind of help I need when the baby comes is not the kind where they take the other kids away?

• I know that sounds odd, but I just have this fear that folks will want to help out by taking Addie and Freddie for outings, sleepovers, extended stays, etc. and this summer will be my only time with all three of them before Freddie starts kindergarten and I go back to work. Any suggestions or thoughts/experiences in this area?

5) What if Jason and I aren't "telepathic" as Ina May and her hippies say?

• I don't really think that's a good word for it but the question remains. What if he doesn't know what I need, he can't apply pressure in just the right spot on my back, he gets overwhelmed and then angry with me for being a brat? The man can't even tolerate it if he scratches my back and I redirect him to the correct itchy part and I have no idea if it's because he's a punk or if I am. Thoughts again?

I have lots more, but I figure those will be answered by my midwife as things get closer and I have my home visit. What do you say about these though??