I just finished reading this book called The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls. It's a memoir about this girl growing up with extremely eccentric parents that were neglectful, irresponsible, a bit crazy, one was an alcoholic, the other severely psychologically disturbed, and just pretty much wild. The books is really good and some things reminded me of my own childhood, especially that guilt over feeling that you've abandoned your siblings. I cried at the end of the book, just thinking about how I would have made different choices as a young adult if given the chance again.

The best way to get out of that funk was to count through the good choices I've made and the ways that I'm able to provide my sweet babies with stability, structure, love, and pajamas. Yes, pajamas. Not that they are necessary or anything, but I know that I never really had a set of pajamas. Maybe when I was a baby I had some sleepers or something, but in my whole life I only remember having oversized thrift store shirts and old gym shorts that I slept in. My dad had a pair of pajamas that I think we got him for Father's Day once. My mom had some awesome satin type ones that she found on sale somewhere. They didn't wear them super often though. My brother and sister never seemed to have pajamas either. It was just "night night shirts" or some type of underwear/undershirt combo. I remember getting some things that more resembled pajamas in college, but I'm still pretty pajamaless. My kids though....they have an entire drawer in their dresser dedicated to pajamas. They have long sleeved pjs, shorts & tops sets, footed pjs, princesses, dinosaurs, racecars, apples, birdies, and even a matching set with fish on them. They love their pajamas, and nothing makes me happier than when they get to stay in them all day long! I love how the pants ride up and create saggy knees while the bands are tight around the calf. I love how every single pair of pajamas seems to create an insane diaper wedgie on Addie, and how their bellies poke out right under their shirts. I love how Addie sometimes refuses to take off her princess pajama top and I've taken her to school, the doctor, and out to eat in that top with a pair of jeans! I love how Freddie will create his own combos and pair an alligator top with dinosaur bottoms for the ultimate carnivore pj experience. He has this one pair of Calvin Klein PJs I found at a yard sale with little buttons on the front of the pants and they are wayyyy to small now but he won't stop wearing them. The top is an 80s midrift and the bottoms are like skin tight capri pants. I giggle every time he puts them on and make some lame Saved By The Bell reference that he will never get. I just love pajamas for my babies. It's strange how things so simple seem to make life more normal than I ever knew before. When I was a kid, the word "pajamas" was like saying "automobile" instead of just "car." It was fancy. When we say pj's, my kids think of bedtime stories, hugs and kisses, tucking into bed, night night songs, and "I'm not sweepy!"

What are some things you do to create a better world for your kids or even for yourself?

Today is April 15th. I am due June 15th, wha huh???

Things are in full spring swing around the Allen house. This weekend there's soccer, birthday party, a friend get together, Palm Sunday service, the church picnic and Easter egg hunt, and a bake sale. Next week there's an egg hunt at school, multiple services at church, Friday off work, woot, then a weekend of Easter gatherings and remembering the death and resurrection of Jesus. I really enjoy Easter with my family. It's a time to create new traditions with my kids and find ways to share God's love with them in a way their little minds can comprehend. I never really had that growing up, so this is completely new territory for me. As I told them the story of Easter the other night, they both got so sad and asked me, "Jesus died? Why he died?" Their sadness was so overwhelming and sincere that I understood so much more fully what faith like a child really means. It's a strange thing as a parent because I want to protect them from the more painful realities of the world, but I can't really teach them how amazing God's love is without them first coming to the realization of how very grim things would be without it. Just something to think about.

Other things going on, Jason and I are taking a just the two of us trip to Dallas the last weekend of April and it's going to be wonderful. I have never spent the night away from both the kids. Not that I can remember anyway, nope, don't think I have. I'll worry while I'm away, but I know Jason and I need this time. We've been savoring alone time together a lot more lately and we are both sharing in some anxiety as we realize that three kids is a lot more than two! As we wrangled them around Wal-Mart tonight, Jason motioned towards the two of them and then to my belly and lovingly said, "We're crazy!" He's probably right! The last time we were alone together was Tuesday night for our childbirth class. On the way home we laughed about how terrible music is these days and then tried to identify those truly horrible songs that we loved as teenagers. All those dance mix songs came to mind, "Be My Lover" by La Bouche, "Sex and Candy," and lots of others. It was fun. Childbirth class is fun too, and so confirming. The folks there look pretty normal and it feels like this isn't actually some fringe of society type of thing to do. I like that and I like that Jason gets to meet other supportive husbands that seem moderately normal to him (he thinks everyone is weird...so do I really).

In baby news though, I've gained only 15 lbs and I'm doing well with my diet. Charlie is head down and definitely a girl. We had a confirmation ultrasound over spring break. She punches me all the time and moves a lot at night. My SI joint is doing better after a few weeks with a chiropractor. I have a final ultrasound scheduled for May 19th where as long as the baby is not measuring too big, I will be officially cleared for home birth. I'll have my home visit the next week where the midwives will come out and we'll talk about plans for the birth and really get going on all this. I have to order all of my supplies too. It's really just kind of on auto right now, it's gonna happen! Sweet friends are planning a shower for me in May, then there's Mother's day, then we'll have Freddie's bday party somewhere at the end of May, then MY MOM is coming on June 10th, then Charlie will be here, and the whole crazy thing will be just beginning again!

I need more patience with my children, specifically my weirdo son. Gracious knows that I love my babies with all of my heart. It is just getting increasingly more difficult to tolerate the craziness that is my son's behavior.

He is constantly talking and it is usually just saying, "Maaa!?"

"Yes, Freddie?"

"Uhhhh.....(blank stare) I like you!"

"I like you too, Freddie."

"Uhhh...Maa?"

"Yes, Freddie?"

"Um.....do you....Ma do you, do you, Um....Ma do you know what movie I like?"

"Which movie?"

"That movie Toy Story 3, that's a good movie."

"Yup."

"Uh, Maaa?"

"Yes, Freddie."

"I know how about we could do before bed."

"What?"

"Ummm...we could, Maa we could um watch that movie...we could watch Toy Story 3!"

This is actually a pretty productive conversation, but they usually aren't so and they happen at least 25-30 times a day. He talks so fast that he doesn't even pronounce Mama, it's just, "Maa!" This is combined with a lot of whining recently and bursting into tears when he puts his shoes on backwards. He has also taken to making airplane noises, shooting pretend guns, talking to himself, T-Rex walking through public places including tucking his elbows into his sides and stomping, rolling his head around while laughing and talking to himself, constantly sniffling and refusing to blow his nose until he's forced to by my nagging and a big droop of snot about to run into his lips. Disgusting, I know! This is typical kiddo behavior, but my patience is so short sometimes that I worry he may get a complex. I nag too much over stupid things. I know that pregnancy, a 2 year old in potty training, and the extreme pain my back are all combining factors in this though. Still, pray if you can for me to have more patience with him and to enjoy his silliness rather than let it be a bother to me. It breaks my heart when I look back on a day and see that I've burdened him more than I've praised him. Sweet crazy kid, how I wish we could all be more like you!