Baby Cries

I am in mommy hades at the moment. Adeline is in her crib screaming her head off in this deep angry cry that won't stop. She will be six months next week and she has not been able to fall asleep on her own more than once or twice since she stopped the newborn sleep all the time phase. She's been teething and miserable for days now, which finally got a little better last night. I slept for about 6 hours, but it's 11:14 and she's already nursed twice, had a dose of ibuprofen and tylenol, been given baby orajel and some of those homeopathic teething tablets. I've cuddled and rocked her, I've fed her green beans, I played with her, changed her, yelled at her, and I'm currently trying some lullaby cd. So far, it's just drowning out the sound of her crying a little.

I am trying to focus on more positive things like the fact that I am an official mother of two now. Freddy's adoption was complete on Monday! I got a part time writing tutor job that I'm in training for, but wouldn't you know that there isn't any time to complete it all? I come home and cook and get a few things done around the house, then put Freddy to bed, then wrestle with Addie for a couple of hours and then I'm so tired I can't stand it.

Okay, I'm being super negative. One more thing though, my darling husband is in bed. I can't help but harbor some resentment. Not that he doesn't help on occasion when I am desparate or cussing him in the middle of the night! :) It's just expected that I be the one up with her because I have the boobs I guess. I am NOT giving in to her again before 12:30 though, because she's eaten TWICE...8:30 and then again at about 10:00 and neither time would she go to sleep.

So, I need to have a talk with God. It sounds somethiing like this, "Jesus, thank you for my babies. Thank you for answering my prayer to have a baby and for blessing our lives with sweet Adeline and Freddy. Please give me the strength and patience I need to minister to my children and family. Grant me grace towards my husband when I feel resentful, and the wisdom to realize that my controlling and picky ways are most likely the reason he takes a back seat sometimes. Help me be a light to others and a righteous wife and mother, and let me give all the glory to you. If my children are praised for how beautiful they are, let me honor you with that. If people tell me my children are well behaved, let me thank you and give you the praise. When my baby cries, remind me to pray for her peace and for mine. When they are ill, I will know you are the healer. You have given me the Holy Spirit as my helper, let me listen and know my limits, and set my expectations for myself in attainable places. I am your daughter, and I've given you more sadness and pain than I can know, yet you welcome me into your arms, forgive me, and rejoice when I do right. Help me do right, help me look like Jesus to you. I love you, Lord, with the love you have given me. Apart from you there is no love, so I come to refill my cup at your feet. I pray this in the name of Jesus your son, Amen."

Well, I hate to be all pharisee-ing it up by praying out in public for all to see, but I guess I hope you know that I'm not insane and ungrateful, just sleepy and in need of some Godly perspective.